Keeping Everyone Happy, Part II

As I mentioned in a previous post, the July/August 2007 issue of BRIDES magazine had a great article entitled: "25 Secrets to keeping everyone happy." See Part I HERE.

Part II: 25 Secrets to Keeping Everyone Happy (from Brides Magazine)

13. Discreetly help out close friends and family for whom an out-of-town wedding is a financial burden.

I arranged to pay for a room for my bridesmaids to share (which some may choose not to do as they'd like to bring their boyfriends). I also have a dear friend from college who is flying out from Milwaukee to be with us and I will be paying for one night of her two night stay -- it happens to be her birthday the day before our wedding!

14. Choose outfits that all of your bridesmaids can afford.

Ok, I don't want to congratulate myself too much on this one, but I choose an Ann Taylor dress that was $188 and got them to discount all three to $150 each if I opened an Ann Taylor card. Pretty good right? Well then they went on sale for $99 and I sent all three back and re-ordered them at the sale price! Hooray for my girls :)

Ann Taylor Bridesmaid Dress



15. Be kind to singles. Don't throw them all together at one big table -- being unmarried or dateless isn't a conversation starter. Instead, seat them with people who share similar interests of backgrounds and with whom they'll be compatible.

I think we've solved this by having three long tables (with 16-19 each) and the "bar" as addition "head table" type seating. We'll place each guest with place cards at their seats.



The Bar at the restaurant which we are turning into formal seating.

16. Invite your little sister's best friend to the reception to keep her company.

Well, I don't have a little sister (I'm the baby), but I can see how this would be kind if she were young.

17. Don't forget to feed your photographer and the band, just sandwiches are fine.

Yes ladies -- vendors are people too. How would you feel if you worked a 10 hour day on your feet with nothing to eat?! Treating vendors like people is important and it will be better all around. Speaking as a singer who has played weddings and cocktail hours for private parties -- it's really nice to get fed afterwards.

18. Suggest a range of accommodations -- not everyone can afford to stay at the fanciest hotel.

We blocked all 14 rooms at a beautiful B&B where we will be staying, but know not all our guests could afford to do this for two nights (there was a minimum) so I blocked a set of rooms at two other locations for much less money.


The Willard Street Inn -- the pricier option.

19. Don't even think about having a cash bar.

I STRONGLY agree! There is nothing tackier. If money is tight cut out the "open bar" and simply have a beer/wine bar and buy in bulk or on consignment, but DO NOT ask your guests to pay for their drinks.

20. In money's tight for your pals, suggest a bachelorette party everyone can afford.

I have/had no expectations for a "bachelorette party" so I'm sure whatever my girls come up with will be great. All I wanted was to spend some time with all of them -- it doesn't matter to me how. That being said, I opted to have nothing to do with the bachelorette or the shower planning!

21. Limit the break between the ceremony and the reception to no more than one hour.

As I said before, our reception is 446 ft from the ceremony and we'll be taking pictures before hand, so our "time between" will be minimal at worst. This is something I'd also strongly suggest having been a guest at a wedding last year where we waited more than 3 hours for the bridal party to return from taking pictures. I will get to experience that all over again with her sister's wedding two weeks before ours with the same schedule planned -- 1:30 ceremony, 4 pm reception (that last time didn't really start until 5:30 pm)!!! Seriously -- think about being a guest at your wedding while you plan.

22. For out-of-towners bringing their young children, line up reliable babysitters.

Out reception will have two kids attending -- one is our adorable 7 year old flower girl who is quite a little lady, and the other will be two years old in September. I would like them to participate and the mother of the baby will not leave him with anyone (other than her mother), so this would be a waste of money/time for us. However, if you plan to have lots of little ones at your celebration, I think you should hire someone to keep them occupied! Think "kids table activities" that they'll enjoy etc.

23. Have the DJ play some oldies so your parents and their friends will dance.

Our reception is being held in a restaurant and there won't be much room to dance, but I'm sure our selection (as I'm quite "old fashioned" myself) will be great for everyone. I will say that my fiance's cousin's wedding a few weeks ago, the music was very "young" and her parents sat the entire evening. I wouldn't have that -- make an effort to include everyone.

24. Offer vegetarian entree choice if you know several guests are not meat eaters.

See #3 in previous post, Keeping Everyone Happy, Part I.

25. It's a long day for everyone, so start on time and keep the toasts to a minimum.

We intend to start on time, as for the toasts, I think it will be ok if multiple people want to speak as we are not having a "dancing" portion of the evening, so the whole party will be a fun dinner party with great food, wine and conversation/stories.

I'd encourage you to give thought to your guests with each decision you make.

Will they feel welcome?

We're providing out-of-town bags in each hotel room with water, snacks, maps/directions, brochures and a welcome letter so they know what's in store.

Will they be waiting around for a long period of time?

Think about this as you plan your picture taking.

How far is the reception from the ceremony?

I attended a wedding where the reception was an hour away from the ceremony and we'd already driven 8+ hours the night before to get there. Not fantastic planning! On the plus side they did provide a yellow school bus to take folks back and forth so they didn't have to drive.

Is there something for everyone to eat?

Have a number of vegetarians? Choose something more interesting than pasta primavera so they don't feel like they got the shaft just because they don't eat meat.

Have fun with the details that will make them feel included and a part of your day instead of just spectators.

Keeping Everyone Happy, Part I

In the July/August 2007 issue of BRIDES magazine there was an interesting article entitled: "25 Secrets to keeping everyone happy." I'd like to share this with you as I think there are some great tips to keep in mind as you're planning. I felt confident I've done almost everything on this list. I've tried very hard from the beginning of planning to keep our guests and family in mind (this is not to say there weren't rocks in the road, but I think I'll come out "on the other side" with friends and family who will still love me)! (in two parts).

Part I: 25 Secrets to Keeping Everyone Happy (from Brides Magazine)

1. Treat your attendants like the friends they are -- not like servants.

This is something I've put a lot of thought into -- making sure no feels "put out," I am paying for a room for them to share for two nights at the inn, I put a lot of thought into their gifts etc.

2. Create a registry that fits everyone's budget: include some group gifts.

We tried to have things all across the boards so that people who didn't have much to spend would have options, but also picked some "larger" items ($100-$500) so that people who wanted to spend more wouldn't have to buy 10 different things to do so. Our "group gift" is a desk/file cabinet from pottery barn that I was be THRILLED if someone (or a group) got.



3. Avoid serving food that's not universally loved.

We are actually offering four entree choices so that there is something for everyone. We even included the menu on our wedding website so our guests could make an educated choice before RSVPing!

4. Make sure the music isn't so loud that it drowns out conversation.

We will have a solo jazz guitarist playing for the first hour of dinner (he's also playing the ceremony and cocktail hour) and then we'll switch to an iPod mix. We will give it a "test run" before hand to get the volume right!





5. Mike your ceremony if it's outdoors -- people will want to hear you vows.

This is actually one of my pet peeves -- going to a wedding and not being able to hear the bride and groom! We're getting married in a church and will be visiting/meeting the minister next weekend so we'll discuss that then.




I took the picture above at a friends wedding last September. It was an outdoor ceremony that was miked and it was SO appreciated as it was windy and we would never have heard them.

6. Pick centerpieces that are beautiful, but nos so elaborate that table mates can't see each other.

I really don't like tall centerpieces, so our 3 long tables will have a few low arrangements down each table so that it's festive but everyone can still enjoy chatting.



Ours won't be pink, but this is an example from our wonderful florist, Fresh Floral Design Studio, of low arrangements on a long table. We will have a brown runner just like this.

7. Trust your mom with at least one major job (working with the florist, tracking RSVP's).

OK, this is one I didn't do! My mother is not a detail person -- she is a big picture person. I brought her to Burlington to see what we'd chosen and had her sit in on my three florist meetings, and she was there when I bought my dress. She felt involved but didn't have to make any decisions, which worked best for both of us.

8. Arrange pre and post reception transportation for guests who can't - or don't want to - drive.

We don't have to do this because we made it even easier! Our reception is a two block walk from our ceremony. Google maps says it's 466 ft or 48 seconds so it's easy as pie for everyone -- park once and enjoy!

9. Let your vendors do what they do best; resist the urge to micromanage.

Planning 300 miles away meant I had no choice but to pick great vendors I trusted, make a plan I was happy with and let it be.

10. Ask your dad's opinion about something important.

This I haven't really done yet. He's stayed out of it pretty much out of the way.

11. Personally greet every guest at the ceremony or reception.

This I made sure will happen as we only invited 70 people, which means we'll probably end up being about 55-60 so we will get to spent plenty of time with everyone. We also arranged to take pictures prior to the ceremony so we can enjoy our cocktail hour with our guests as well as dinner.

12. Have cool drinks, fans, and shade at the ready if hot weather's in the forecast.

We are getting married in a church, not outdoors, so I can't imagine in early September this will be an issue. Our cocktail hour will begin immediately after the ceremony.

...more to come in "25 Secrets to Keeping Everyone Happy, Part II"