On Sunday I drove to Pennsylvania with my fiance's mother, grandmother, aunt and new cousin-in-law (who just married his cousin in Montreal on June 16th). Although my fiance and I were the first of three couples to get engaged last year we are the last to get married (in early September) due to my work schedule.
As much as I enjoy my fiance's family, I felt as if we were the last of a large laundry list of things they "had to do" this summer. The bridal shower I attended was for one of his female cousins who is getting married two weeks before us. My bridal shower will be the weekend before her wedding (which I'm sure she, her mother and two sisters, won't attend despit the fact that they all came out to Connecticut for the last shower). Then she'll be waiting until our wedding to take her honeymoon.
I can't help but feel like I'm jumping through hoops to travel to all of these showers and weddings, buy all of the gifts and show up with honest joy for them...and then we get the excuses and resentment.
"Your shower is the week before [girl cousin's] wedding? Oh I was hoping we'd have a weekend off," or "Your wedding is the first week of school -- I just don't think I'll be able to get a sub," or "Well, I have to bring the dogs with me -- where is there an animal friendly hotel?," to "How far is Burlington? Why did you pick a place so far away when we all live in Connecticut?"
Is it too much to ask that if it is such a great inconvenience that they simply decline our invitation and stop making me feel terrible about all the choices we've made? I know weddings are expensive. I know that they involve travel, hotels, gifts and time. But I've bent over backwards to make people's planning easier.
1) I sent save-the-dates eight months early
2) I created a wedding website full of info -- discounted hotel blocks, travel assistance (flight links etc), fun things to do in the area, a time-line for the wedding day...even our wedding menu so they could make an educated choice!
3) Our reception will be walking distance from our ceremony (not an hour away like the last wedding)
4) We will be taking pictures prior to the ceremony and attending our cocktail hour (unlike the 3 hour gap they experienced last summer -- not to mention they are in for the same poorly planned 3 hour gap at her sisters wedding 2 weeks before ours)
Also, our wedding will be less than half the size of everyone else's (maybe 60 people), so I was hoping the people we did invite would realize it was very intimate and we invited them because we truly wanted them to share in our day. The people I've invited (mostly family friends as my actual family is so small) are all honored and so excited to attend. Why can't I get some of the same excited for us from my fiance's family?!
I just want everyone attending our wedding to be excited and honored to be there -- not feel like we're the last of a list of things they can check off "Done!" OK -- Rant over.
PS. Sorry for very few pictures. Here is a photo of our honeymoon hotel where non of the above will matter because I will be relaxing on the beach and married to the love of my life!
